Magic the Gathering is Wrestling

[00:00:03] Speaker A: Because God damn it. What does an orchestrate smell like? [00:00:07] Speaker B: Okay, so. No, this is kind of. This is a. No, this will work. This is. I'm gonna make this work because I imagine that like. Because, like, I know what an orchestra pit smells like. And especially the kind of orchestra pits I were was in which it was like youth, youth and young adult orchestrated pits. [00:00:27] Speaker A: So crazy style. [00:00:29] Speaker B: It smelled crazy in there, but it smelled crazy in there with like fine wood varnish oils and stuff and like things that you're, you know, like there's crazy. [00:00:41] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. You know, like they're definitely taking care of everything but their hygiene. [00:00:48] Speaker B: Eggs. Yes. There, you got it. So I was gonna say it's probably the similar to like a Magic the Gathering or a professional wrestling show. [00:00:59] Speaker A: Yeah. God knows we got our shoe varnish. God knows that we look, it might be day three of a con, and I'm gonna say that I've showered and that's pretty much a guarantee because I do take it as a personal challenge to be one of the best smelling people in magic. [00:01:21] Speaker B: And we love you for it, Bugs. We really do. [00:01:24] Speaker A: But, like, I wouldn't want to burden everyone with that. Speaking of wrestling. Hold on. Check this shit out. [00:01:32] Speaker B: Oh, what do you got for me? If you say, speaking of wrestling, and you show me something that's magic. Oh, here we go. Sundering Titan. All right, let's have a look here. Is this going to be the kind of show where we bring stuff up? Oh, yeah, it is. An artifact creature, a golem. Okay. Battlefield leaves. The battlefield when it enters their leaves, [00:01:52] Speaker A: each of a basic land type, then destroy those lands. [00:01:55] Speaker B: Yes. Yeah, sorry, I have a tendency to ramble. [00:01:59] Speaker A: Yeah. What if you just said, go yourself to these five lands in particular? [00:02:05] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. So what we're looking at here is a monster heel. [00:02:11] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:02:13] Speaker B: So this is where Brody King comes in, says, this twink. This twink. This twink. [00:02:18] Speaker A: In particular, we love Sunday Tundees. [00:02:23] Speaker B: Sunday Tundees. No Kings. But Brody King. [00:02:29] Speaker A: No Kings. But Brody King. Anyway, kids, I think everything's wrestling. [00:02:34] Speaker B: I was gonna say, if we haven't put it together yet, this. This little experiment, you know, it's really. It's the three little words that every girl wants to hear, isn't it? [00:02:43] Speaker A: It's the three best words you can hear without taking off your pants. Everything. [00:02:48] Speaker B: Everything is wrestling. Am I supposed to be wearing pants right now? [00:03:09] Speaker A: So, yeah, it's is magic wrestling. And I mean, the answers are resounding. Yes. Let's not bury the lead here. [00:03:17] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. [00:03:18] Speaker A: Well, I. I like it. It's so. It's got peaks and valleys, it's got heroes, it's got villains. It allows you to choose your own adventure. It is ripe for heal shit in a way that I don't think a lot of other card games really. Excuse me, that was some gas station. [00:03:40] Speaker B: I can either cut that, leave it in, or cut it and start saving it for a super cut, which is what we do to Erica. [00:03:46] Speaker A: Choose your own adventure. I intentionally burped into the mic, but no Magic allows you to choose your own adventure. And there's more heel shit than most other trading cards or trading card games really lend themselves towards. Like, like there's a whole sub genre of playing magic that is just what kind of asshole do you want to be? [00:04:17] Speaker B: That and to give a little peek behind the curtain for the people listening. This is what has birthed this pod, baby. Is that me and Bugs got together because Bugs was like, you know, I do a lot of heel in magic together. [00:04:33] Speaker A: I Scooby Doo, do a lot of heel. [00:04:37] Speaker B: And I was like, oh yes, lovely. I love talking about heel. That's one of my favorite things. So we got together and we're like, let's talk about magic, the grappening. And we're going to do crossover episode and we're going to get the girlies together and we're going to talk about heel and magic. And then we're like, this will be a fun little thing. Then an hour and a half later. Welcome to Everything is Wrestling. This new show with me, Ella, Ella Taylor and me, Bugs and you, Bugs Matrix. Look at that. We did an intro out of nowhere. Good at this shit. [00:05:10] Speaker A: Oh well, because no, because like, like I. Okay, so girly pops to not spoil the salad, as it were. But we have some insular takes about what is wrestling. [00:05:23] Speaker B: We may or may not. [00:05:26] Speaker A: We may or may not have some thoughts and feelings about how gosh darn near everything is wrestling. But like let's. Let's start with. Let's start with the silly one. [00:05:37] Speaker B: Let's start with. Let's start. You know, sometimes they People want to do. Start with the serious and get. Make sure you have it. [00:05:42] Speaker A: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. [00:05:45] Speaker B: Let's start with a goofy one. Guys, get in. [00:05:47] Speaker A: We gotta. We gotta say oofta before we can say op. You know? [00:05:51] Speaker B: Oh yeah, you gotta say oofda before you can say oh this is so true. Today we're gonna. Yeah, yap a little graps and a bit of magic. Because I. I am a A magic newcomer. But I am also. By the end of this conversation again, we birthed the pod baby. Don't tell the church, but we. By the end of this, I was fully convinced of an idea I've been kicking around for a while, mostly thanks to Josie and other things that just. Everything is wrestling when you could. It's like six degrees of Kevin Bacon, but with, like, the monster. The worst monsters in the history of entertainment that you can imagine. Everything is wrestling. [00:06:38] Speaker A: And some of them are, like, in the administration, functionally. [00:06:43] Speaker B: Yep. And I'm not. Unlike some of my other shows, I will not be focusing on the best about the joy. [00:06:50] Speaker A: Yes. Yes. No, no, no, no, no. Sorry, sorry. [00:06:52] Speaker B: I'm not. [00:06:52] Speaker A: We're not gonna. [00:06:53] Speaker B: Some of them aren't monsters. We already talked about Brody. [00:06:56] Speaker A: Okay, hold on, hold on. I already. I already did a poo poo. This is my oopsy boo boo card. Ella, let's just to dive us into this. What kind of heal would you say this card is? [00:07:10] Speaker B: Fantastic. I was just gonna ask. Oh, no card found. [00:07:13] Speaker A: Oh, no, it should. It should. Just load it. [00:07:15] Speaker B: Okay. Excellent. Oh, well, first of all, I'm familiar with this card. Hello, darkness, my old friend. [00:07:28] Speaker A: So this is traumatized. It's three in a double blue pip sorcery target player mills, half their library [00:07:35] Speaker B: rounded down so you won't know what you're missing. So what does this mean? [00:07:40] Speaker A: What does mill mean? [00:07:41] Speaker B: Yeah, like, what does this mean to someone who does not know what. What magic is? Because I don't. I'm the worst trans. [00:07:47] Speaker A: Okay, no, no, this is. This is fantastic. [00:07:50] Speaker B: Okay, so, yeah, instead of magic, I did grabs. I picked a different. A different skill tree entirely. [00:07:57] Speaker A: So magic is a really interesting and fun card game because it has multiple win conditions that aren't just predicated on if you punch the other guy hard enough and then they lose all their health, they die. There's other ways of killing people. [00:08:15] Speaker B: Yeah, this too, is wrestling. Yeah. [00:08:18] Speaker A: One of them is milling someone out. By milling, it means you take a card from their library, throw it directly into their graveyard. Like, you take a card off the top of their deck, but put it directly into the discard pile. And so if you mill half your library rounded down, what if you just took the other? Like, if you. If you go to draw a card in magic and you don't have any cards in your library, you just die. [00:08:43] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:08:44] Speaker A: So this is like a second health bar. [00:08:48] Speaker B: Okay, so what you're describing to me is this thing that in the business, in this thing, we do as Triple H would say, because he's a tool. This is ring psychology. What you're doing is you are picking a limb and you are fucking targeting that you're. [00:09:07] Speaker A: You are fucking the fuck out of someone's kneecap with Mel. [00:09:11] Speaker B: So if you have somebody who has a really good, let's say drop kick or like a really good high flying game or he's got jumps. [00:09:22] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:09:23] Speaker B: You're gonna target that kneecap until it. And until it can't function anymore. Oh, yeah, it's grabs, baby. So that's what you do is you take out that kneecap and then story says, I'm gonna have trouble next time I try to do that moonsault. And I might land on my. And like that. That's. Or it's gonna take a little bit longer to climb the rope and it's gonna give time for this person to get up. So like. Yeah, no, that's what you're doing. [00:09:47] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think, and I think a little bit kind of in conjunction with that would be a card like this. [00:09:53] Speaker B: Would you like to describe this card to our listeners? [00:09:56] Speaker A: This is again, likewise. This is if you're, if we're going for like a full disabling of the enemy before they can do anything. [00:10:04] Speaker B: Yes. [00:10:04] Speaker A: You want them to not only be mill and stuff, you want them to discard stuff. And there is, there are maybe better strategically cards to play, but there aren't funner cards to play than him to Turok. This is my. Well, because it's. Well, because it's got that, it's, it's got this little element of chance to it. So him to Turok's a double black pip sorcery target. Player discards two cards at random. Just. I don't know, I don't know what, what cards are. You got, you got four cards in your hand. What if you had like half that many? You got two cards in your hand. What if you had zero that many? It's, it's, it's whittling away choice. It's. It is this, this full control over your opponent. [00:10:52] Speaker B: Now what you are describing to me and this could be a great transition. Long running joke on all of my podcast productions. Thank you, thank you. I try. Great, great transition. Beautiful. Well done. But it's what you were describing is what I was talking about, you know, targeting limb. But you wanted to know like types of heel because this is the guy. Now what you're describing is what I would call the good enough to win legitimately, but so insecure they become a chicken Shit. [00:11:26] Speaker A: Could never be me. I mean, I, I will own being a chicken. I'll be a little. [00:11:31] Speaker B: So a great example of this in my mind. Some people will disagree with me and you know what? Bring it. But this, this to me is Maxwell Jacob Freeman. The man can grab, the man can absolutely wrestle. He can absolutely. One of his finishers is, is the juji gatami, like arm bar. Hi, Ella here with an editor's note. Because I absolutely could not let this stand, I said a juji katami, which is a flying arm bar. That is not what the salt of the earth is. The salt of the earth is a Fujiwara style arm bar. Thank you. As it were, where he calls it the salt of the earth. But you know, generally, like if you're doing it in real graphs, you know, you're trying to hyper extend someone's elbow and basically pull their arm out of their shoulder. So you know, you, you want to target the arm to soften up them muscles, you know, get them ligaments a little work, you know, worked out. [00:12:28] Speaker A: Get them a little loosey goosey. [00:12:30] Speaker B: Loosen the, loosen that jar tight a little bit there before you, you unlock that in and get the easy, the easy tap. So he, he's the kind of guy who like has that ability. Absolutely. But he's going to do that by picking away at you and pecking away at it and then running away and like taking a, taking a, what we call it, taking a powder. He rolls out of the ring and kind of uses that 10 count, walks around, gets away from the guy because he's scared of him. And he becomes so insecure about his abilities that becomes a chicken shit. So he, you know, does that and then comes in and targets that arm and then rolls back out. Let me think about a little bit. No, no, no, no. You know, he gets a little worried. The guy starts maybe get a little bit. He back and he runs, you know, but all that while he's picking away and he's milling those cards and when the time is right, he's going to attack that. [00:13:25] Speaker A: And I, and I think part of that also sounds a little bit like this other little hand attack card duress. [00:13:33] Speaker B: Yes. Sorcery quad. So this is target. Opponent reveals their hand. You choose a non creature, non land card from it and the player discards that card. Oh my. [00:13:45] Speaker A: Just a little hand knowledge, little hand hate. Again. It's, it's. We are, we are seeing. It's. What are they up to? How can they kill me now? They don't get to do that now. [00:13:57] Speaker B: Yes, exactly. [00:13:59] Speaker A: And I mean, of course there's. There's way funnier ways to. With your opponent in magic, but like. Oh, oh, hold on, hold on. [00:14:08] Speaker B: I was gonna say. Well, I have so many types of heals. What do you want? [00:14:14] Speaker A: No, no, no, no. [00:14:16] Speaker B: I. [00:14:17] Speaker A: Fire walk with me on this real quick. [00:14:21] Speaker B: Fire walking. Hitting the vape, blocking fire. [00:14:24] Speaker A: So you know, like when your opponent's trying to do something and you're just like, nope. [00:14:29] Speaker B: Like, just now I would know. [00:14:31] Speaker A: It's like. It's. It's like, it's. It's. It's. Oh, that's cool that you thought you were gonna do that. That's just. That's just. There's no way in hell that's going to happen. [00:14:40] Speaker B: Counter spot. I was gonna say the counter. Yes. Oh, my gosh. Yes. Holy. [00:14:47] Speaker A: With specifically. So I'm showing you the OG art for this. This is a counter spell. It's two and a blue It Counter target spell. It does. It does exactly what you want. And it has God's fruitiest wizard. [00:15:01] Speaker B: I was gonna say this man looks like so many 90s wrestlers that it's just. [00:15:08] Speaker A: Do you want to Ella. Get it. Get into the goobies on this art really quick because Markpool Mark pool really Mark pooled. [00:15:16] Speaker B: Okay, so, like, was it right? So graps fans at home. Because I. Part of why I love us doing this show is that we're gonna have, like, magic people and grabs people coming around and we get to, you know, and they might not overlap, so everyone's learning. So this guy, like, graps, folks. You remember when I think it was Jericho was doing that thing where he, like, triple braided his little goatee? [00:15:40] Speaker A: Oh, this does like. Like, even only kind of knowing Jericho. I totally see where you're going. [00:15:45] Speaker B: This. This is if Chris Jericho Le Wizard. Why? Why Instead of Le Champion, like, this is his Le Source. Like, this is Chris Jericho doing magic. And it's so silly. [00:16:01] Speaker A: It's. If Chris Jericho had, like a rococo phase. [00:16:08] Speaker B: Yes. This is so beautiful. Oh, no, no one show him this, because I don't want to see him, like, be like, this is what I'm retiring on. This is the gimmick going on. [00:16:19] Speaker A: No, no, that's. That's the. The only gimmick that he's deserving of. [00:16:23] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Amazing. Fantastic. So, yes, that's. That is also Heel. That's like Okada heel. That's also the. That. That's the just too good for you. Like, like arrogance. The arrogance here. [00:16:39] Speaker A: Yeah, it's it's. Well, well, it's also like the. How dare you think you can do this? Like, I don't, I don't think it's arrogant. [00:16:49] Speaker B: Literally. Well, Okada, literally. His thing since he's hit America is calling everyone bitch. [00:16:56] Speaker A: Oh, hold on, hold on, hold on. This. So this is more of an Okada. [00:17:03] Speaker B: His whole thing. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. You're not as good as me. [00:17:07] Speaker A: No, I. This is this. The counter spell that I showed you would not be the counter spell that he would play. This is what he would play. [00:17:14] Speaker B: Oh my God. Yeah. [00:17:20] Speaker A: And again, because we're not a video podcast currently, I'll describe it. It's that, you know that spongebob meme where he's like bent over and his face kind of looks like a dolphin and he's like mocking you because magic is insane. There's a spongebob counter spell. [00:17:40] Speaker B: Oh my God, I didn't realize this. [00:17:43] Speaker A: Wait, wait, this. So this one's not even out yet. Holy. This, this is at time of recording. This card has not been released to the masks. I think it drops literally next week. Without further ado, the counter spell of all time. This would be the Garfield counter spell. It's Garfield slapping John across the chin. [00:18:14] Speaker B: That. [00:18:15] Speaker A: Because magic is a very serious. [00:18:17] Speaker B: Okay folks, the look on Garfield's fucking face right now as he's delivering this chop is one of the most okada things I have ever seen in my entire life. This is. You hit it on the head bugs. You're a natural. Holy fuck. Because you know, like after John recovers from that, Garfield's going to fucking lean in, be like, get my lasagna. [00:18:45] Speaker A: Yeah, it's, it's, it's so like the, the self seriousness of Garfield in this [00:18:50] Speaker B: picture is holy crap. [00:18:52] Speaker A: Truly a sight to behold. [00:18:56] Speaker B: He knows he's winning this situation. He knows John's got nothing. [00:19:00] Speaker A: Look, I, I'm sorry. You came into my home when I had two blew up. Yeah, you thought that I. You thought you were going to. You thought you were serious. You thought you were serious. I have open. I have multiple open blue mana. Get Garfield slap fan task. Just counter spell. Counter spell, counterspell, counter spell. [00:19:24] Speaker B: Oh, this is so great. We've already gotten like, so we've already covered so many heels. Like we have chicken heel. We have, we've covered monster heel. Then we just covered the kind of the narcissist sort of full of themselves. How dare you think you're better than me heel. [00:19:44] Speaker A: What's the name Of a heel that plays dirty by bringing shit into the ring. [00:19:50] Speaker B: Like, specifically plays dirty by really, like, going with the foreign object. [00:19:58] Speaker A: Yeah, I was going to say, like, if we're going to go like John mountain goat's foreign object, like, what's a foreign object heel. [00:20:05] Speaker B: Shout out one of my favorite mps. Oh, God. Well, see, here's the thing. The foreign object is a. I would say it's almost a staple of heel. It's a very important tool in the heels. Tool bag. One second. Bubbly water. Oh, burps. Okay, so. [00:20:23] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, you got it. [00:20:24] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, there. So, like, oh, gosh. Can you tell where we're from there? So you. Yeah, like, a lot of heels will go for that. But what I'm thinking of is that I feel like the angry guy heel is. Is a guy that. Who's almost always going to get so frustrated that he has. He's like, ah, God, fuck it. Give me the ring belt. You know, a guy who's just so angry so all the time that if you don't lay down for him and get beat right away, if you dare be the kind of baby face that can, like, kick out. Oh, he's going to. He's got it. He's going to fuck you up by any means necessary because he's pissed. So that makes me think of, like, the bastard park. Back in the day, in one of my favorite runs with orange Cassidy international title, they had a thing going back and forth where pac, like, would take the hammer you use to strike the ring bell, and it's like this tiny little, like. Like, off. Like, you hit someone in the head with that, you're killing them. [00:21:34] Speaker A: The concussion machine. [00:21:36] Speaker B: Yeah. No, that's. That's like. That's like one. One swing. Trepanation. Trepanation. You know, just like you need a hole in your skull. I got you. [00:21:45] Speaker A: That is Maxwell's silver hammer. [00:21:48] Speaker B: That is quite literally the bastard pox silver hammer. Yes, absolutely. And he. That was like, a thing, and it became like his thing. And a lot of heels will have a signature foreign object, and that was his for a while. But I feel like the angry guy is the guy who's gonna, like, get so frustrated that he has to bring it in. [00:22:10] Speaker A: Like, so it's. It's just some goofy. Who's gonna beat your sideways. Yeah, like, with. With, like, if he. If he's got to use a. Like a hair clip, he'll use. [00:22:21] Speaker B: Yeah, you'll find. Yeah, yeah, like, he's going to win. And the fact that you're not Letting him beat you with his wrestling prowess is pissing him off so much that he's just gonna go grab the hardest thing he can find and lay it to you. [00:22:35] Speaker A: All right, all right, hold on. I got a card for this. I got a card for this. [00:22:39] Speaker B: Yeah. Teach me, Bugs. Teach me. [00:22:42] Speaker A: It's a Transformers card. [00:22:46] Speaker B: Holy. What are we looking at here? Slicer hired muscle. [00:22:50] Speaker A: Slicer hired muscle. He's a legend, artifact, creature, robot with more than meets the eye. He's got double strike and haste. At the beginning of each opponent's upkeep, you may have that player gain control of slice until end of turn. If you do untap it, goad it. So goad means it can attack anyone but you. [00:23:05] Speaker B: Okay, okay. [00:23:07] Speaker A: It can't be sacrificed if you don't convert it. So this is. I call. I call this card the passer on party bottom at a Commander table, where it's. I know. Everyone gets a chance to ride the race car. And this thing will fucking kill people. Like, this thing will drive angrily into you, beating you to. This is. I took it apart because it stopped being funny after the, like, umpteenth time. But I had my Papa John's deck, which was hot, ready and delivers the end game in 20 minutes or less. [00:23:41] Speaker B: Holy. That's hot. Yeah. Oh, my God, Bug. [00:23:45] Speaker A: No. Slicer is like. Like, Slicer is the angriest little guy because you just point him in a direction. You say kill, you say kill. You say kill. Kill this guy. Kill this guy, Steven. [00:24:00] Speaker B: Oh, to kill this guy. Oh, no. [00:24:03] Speaker A: All right, well, well, because with. With the double strike, he's got double punchies. So that thing's doing six damage to you? [00:24:10] Speaker B: Yeah, because he's. He's small, he's smaller, he's fast. That means, like, he's kind of a little. He's got a lot of. Can get a lot in high speed Antagonist. It says. [00:24:20] Speaker A: Yes, this was designed for Commander, which is like a four player game. And one of the other ways that you can lose Commander without just losing all of your life is taking 21 damage from someone's specific commander. He's like a three and a half turn clock on everyone. So, like, all right, this just kills people dead. [00:24:45] Speaker B: All right, you gotta stop. Okay. God damn it, Bugs, you gotta stop saying putting it that way. Because the only thing I can think of off the top of my head to describe all the things that you have described to me. And this goes out to my beloved creation, Hampter Sero from the Wednesday night fake fights pod. My co Host. Because however long into the recording, we are hamptering, Benoit mentioned Chris Benoit. [00:25:17] Speaker A: Oh, jesus. Oh, jesus. [00:25:23] Speaker B: I don't have a collar. [00:25:28] Speaker A: Oh, yippee. Oh, yeah. [00:25:31] Speaker B: Because look, if we can ignore all the things you just said outside of character in the cafe babies, Chris Benoit is all these things. [00:25:45] Speaker A: Oh, I think I just. Oh, that is. Oh, I see. I don't have podcasts. I didn't come to the podcast having podcast cape. So I'm just like, oh, geez, I am so sorry. [00:25:59] Speaker B: So, no, this is a thing that keeps happening. I create. I created a wrestling fan out of nothing on the other show by showing it Monday night Wars wrestling. And then they just kind of stayed and kept going. And now we watch new stuff with them, and they're done. [00:26:18] Speaker A: Watch better wrestling. [00:26:19] Speaker B: Better wrestling. Yes. [00:26:21] Speaker A: Better wrestling. Big air quotes. Current Ryan. [00:26:23] Speaker B: This is pretty good. [00:26:26] Speaker A: Hey, remember that episode that we just recorded? [00:26:28] Speaker B: Hey, hey. I don't want to think about it anymore. Every week because he hasn't lost the belt yet. [00:26:34] Speaker A: He hasn't. I'm gonna. [00:26:37] Speaker B: At time of recording, Little still has the belt. [00:26:41] Speaker A: At time of recording, someone hasn't just brought, like, power word into. Come on, dog. He's not that big. Just grab him by the ankle and like, Donkey Kong him a couple times. [00:26:57] Speaker B: Oh, my God. And they keep putting them up against, like, they keep putting all. We're talking about heels. They keep putting him up against, like, monster heels, and he keeps winning. He literally beat Brody King, and it's like, you got no. Brody King will unhinge his jaw and eat him whole and then just, you know, come on. [00:27:20] Speaker A: What are we doing here? [00:27:23] Speaker B: All right, well, to get back on track, I will bring it back because we've got distracted. [00:27:28] Speaker A: No, no, no, hold on. I want to talk about this twink getting obliterated just like a two second. Okay, not to be a cringe shit millennial on main, but you know that SC The OG Avengers, when Hulk does that thing to Loki. [00:27:46] Speaker B: Yeah, [00:27:49] Speaker A: just. Just do that. Just do that. I. I will not. [00:27:52] Speaker B: That's what the Brody King match should have been, bro. [00:27:55] Speaker A: I will not, like, privilege this man with being named. But, like, come on, just. Just do that to him. Yeah. [00:28:03] Speaker B: All. All I will say is that Everest try harder. [00:28:08] Speaker A: Yeah, okay. Like. Like, come on, come on. Speaking of like, like coughing, baby nuclear bomb. [00:28:15] Speaker B: Yeah, right. Oh, God. But yeah, speaking of pro wrestling and death, this slicer card is totally Ben Walkers. [00:28:24] Speaker A: Yeah. Somehow that's the upshot. Yeah. Jesus. [00:28:34] Speaker B: Everything is wrestling. Yeah. [00:28:38] Speaker A: Oh, my God. No, see, they. They've gone to Make a bunch of cards that are basically just this guy again and again. Hold on. [00:28:47] Speaker B: But no, he. He's a. He's a staple of any stable. Is. You got the guy who's kind of just like the unhinged. Fast paced. Get it. Go in there and kill him. [00:29:00] Speaker A: I think of like we got this one. I'm. I'm listening. I'm just. I'm just throwing some ones. [00:29:06] Speaker B: Yeah. I think of like it's what they want Gabe Kidd to be, but he can't be because he's a kindergartner and in. Yeah, we'll see. Kindergarten Ready? Gabe Kid. What is this here? Karn the Betrayer. Okay. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Okay, tell me about this beast and a half. [00:29:29] Speaker A: Okay, so this, this, this delectable motherfucker is also not from original. He's not originally from Magic. This guy is from Warhammer 40K. [00:29:43] Speaker B: I thought I recognized the armor. [00:29:45] Speaker A: And he is. I think he's like a Chaos demon or something. Or a chaos warrior. And he will also symbolize the snot out of you. [00:29:57] Speaker B: Yeah, he looked like it. Oh my God. [00:30:01] Speaker A: Similar to Slicer. Yeah. If damage will be dealt to him, prevent that damage and an opponent of your control of your choice gains control of him. And so he's also just give them to people. Punch people. What's he do? He killed. He kills. [00:30:15] Speaker B: He kills. That's what he does. [00:30:17] Speaker A: And if we got to bring it home to there being a human version of this, there's Alexios Demios of. Of Cosmos. Because of course there's Assassin's Creed cards and magic. It's so funny. [00:30:31] Speaker B: All right. That's kind of awesome. I like. I know a bit more Assassin's Creed. Oh, no, no. [00:30:36] Speaker A: The Assassin's Creed set kind of rips. [00:30:39] Speaker B: I've only played. I. I played the entire Ezio trilogy and that. [00:30:44] Speaker A: Oh, there's an Ezio card. [00:30:45] Speaker B: Oh my God. Oh, my God. We're getting. [00:30:48] Speaker A: We're getting. [00:30:48] Speaker B: All right. We're off track. But it's all right. Y' all are already pot committed. You've been here for like half an hour. You love us already. We're your new favorite podcast. [00:30:55] Speaker A: If you're this far in like. Yeah, let me just info dump. There's an Etsy card. [00:30:59] Speaker B: This show is lit. We talked about a little bit. The show, if go it goes correctly is just going to be info dump the podcast. So like, oh my God, there's my fucking man. There's my fucking guy there. [00:31:15] Speaker A: Oh my God. If you want to read all that out because it's this a cool S card? [00:31:19] Speaker B: Ezio Auditor. Oh, my man. He's a legendary creature. You're goddamn right. He's a human assassin. He's got one of these little skull guys. I don't know what that fucking means. [00:31:32] Speaker A: So one in a skull. So is one of the skulls. That's how much it costs to play him. So he costs two mana. One color, one of any color, and one black. [00:31:41] Speaker B: Fascinating. So you got. He's a menace. Damn right. [00:31:45] Speaker A: Yeah. So menace means. Menace means he can only if you're gonna block him. You need at least two creatures to block him. He can't be stopped by just one guy. [00:31:57] Speaker B: Hey. Right. [00:31:59] Speaker A: No. This is like a total flavor win. [00:32:01] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Assassin spells you cast have free running. So you may cast a spell for its free running cost. If you dealt combat damage to a player this turn with an assassin or commander. So I'm not. I kind of get a little bit of what that means. [00:32:18] Speaker A: He can. He can cheat in other assassins. He can. He can get more friends if he punches someone. [00:32:26] Speaker B: Okay, yeah, no, that makes sense. That's literally a game mechanic in the game. I love this. So whenever Ezio deals combat damage to a player, you may pay any number of these things. [00:32:36] Speaker A: You may pay white, blue, black, red, green. So Woober, as we say in the biz. [00:32:42] Speaker B: Thank you. Thank you. See, this is why we're here. I have the one turn, you have the other. Oh, this is gonna be so fun. So if that player has 10 or less life, when you do that, player loses the game. Ah, hell yeah. [00:32:57] Speaker A: Wait, hold on, hold on. I just need to show you this card because I. I'm fairly confident that you don't know that it exists, and I want to just. We'll get back. We'll get back to the grabs in a second. But I'm. This is a little bit of Bugs show and tell. [00:33:13] Speaker B: We are absolutely playing fast and loose here at Everything is Wrestling. Let's see here. What the. What the. All right, so it's rainbow spongebob. [00:33:33] Speaker A: Yes, yes. So. So Magic does this thing called secret lairs, which occasionally, among other things, like repaint a card with art from outside of the game and occasionally with properties outside of the game. And so they did a spongebob squarepants card that's a repaint of Jodah the Unifier, which it costs. White, blue, black, red, green. It's a human wizard, obviously. Spongebob Famous human wizard. [00:34:07] Speaker B: Yes, Both of. [00:34:10] Speaker A: Both of those things are accurate descriptors of SpongeBob SquarePants the human wizard. [00:34:17] Speaker B: That's one of the things that made me giggle is it says legendary creature, human wizard, and it's just SpongeBob making the rainbow. It's. Oh, my God, this is amazing. [00:34:28] Speaker A: And it does. It does. Joe to the Unifier. It doesn't. It doesn't matter that I hate. I hate Joe to the Unifier. So we're not. [00:34:35] Speaker B: That's not the. That's not the important part. [00:34:37] Speaker A: That's not the important part. The important part is there's. Oh, wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. You want to see something that makes me hate myself? [00:34:48] Speaker B: Oh, usually, yeah. Let's go in a fun way. I hope it's in a fun way. Dwight's. Jesus Christ. That's a Dwight Schrute Hay King card. And I am. I. I didn't have to see this. I didn't have to know about this. Why did you do this to me? Oh, my God. [00:35:11] Speaker A: You're on a hot mic. I'm talking about magic, and you're gonna wait for half an hour? [00:35:16] Speaker B: Yeah, no, I have this coming. Keep me on my toes, girl. I get it. All right. Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. So, yeah, this is a Heliod sun crowned, but it's Dwight Schrute. [00:35:31] Speaker A: It's Dwight, Officer. [00:35:33] Speaker B: Yeah. Dwight office in armor and shit with, like, a hay scepter and a hay crown. And I'm so done. What the legendary Enchantment creature. [00:35:47] Speaker A: I do not promise to get you into Magic the Gathering. [00:35:53] Speaker B: Well, you're help. You know, every time I think that you're getting me closer, you do something like this, and it really helped, which is why. [00:35:59] Speaker A: Which is. It's. I. I value your wallet. [00:36:02] Speaker B: I appreciate that. That being said, I feel like White Schrute in general. Absolutely. A comedy heel. That is his. His. That's his job in that. In that show. Even though I will also say Jim is the villain. [00:36:21] Speaker A: Jim is absolute. I, I. God, I hate the popularity that Jim FBI got from that. [00:36:30] Speaker B: Oh, my God, all of that is so nuts. All right. But, you know, this is. There's so much. There's so much we could do. We. We could revisit Magic is Wrestling. Before we start thinking about heading out, though, in a little bit here, I do remember a few that you talked about because, like, I had, like, a list here of various types of heels. The foreign heel, which is just every racist stereotype ever. Sabu Yokozuna, Iron Cheek. [00:37:00] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:37:01] Speaker B: Invader outsider heels like hall and Ash and nwo the Apprentice. So, like Yuta Fletcher Garcia again, for wrestling fans here. But then you Came at me with something, and you're like, is there a type of heel that does this? [00:37:17] Speaker A: And. [00:37:17] Speaker B: And what you showed me is goth girls spitting in each other's mouth. [00:37:26] Speaker A: I did do that, didn't I? [00:37:28] Speaker B: Yeah. So after I woke up, because I just instantly got so lady bonered I passed out. After I woke up, I was like, yeah, no, we got those and you in the card. What was the card you showed me? [00:37:42] Speaker A: Oh, shoot. Was it. There's like. So this would have been a Phyrexian card? [00:37:47] Speaker B: Yes, it was. Some sort. Is some sort of. [00:37:50] Speaker A: Oh, no, no. I was. I was explaining how the Phyrexians happen, which is bas. Basically just goth girls spitting oil into each other's mouths back and forth forever. I. Was this when I showed you Ellis Norn? [00:38:03] Speaker B: Yes, yes. [00:38:04] Speaker A: Can I show you her toxic, totally not girlfriend? Hold on. [00:38:08] Speaker B: Oh, yes, please, please. So this will be the sky blue to the Julia Hart to. For a preview into where I'm going with this. [00:38:17] Speaker A: Yeah. So this is the. When I think about the beautiful Phyrexians who spit into each other's mouths with the wonderful, wonderful oil chat. If you're. If you've never heard of me, I'm a monster. I'm sorry. I'm not sorry. [00:38:31] Speaker B: Honestly, Bugs, you're probably, like, way closer to getting me to become a monster than to get me to start playing magic together. [00:38:38] Speaker A: Oh, look at. Look at. Look at Shelly. [00:38:40] Speaker B: I'm very close. Hey, Shell. Oh, my God. You're horrifying and disgusting and I'd probably hit it. [00:38:47] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. So. So Shelly's a big, like, Centipede lady. [00:38:54] Speaker B: Oh, God. Oh, I just saw all that stuff in the background. That's still Shelly. [00:38:58] Speaker A: Huh? That's Shelly. It keeps going. Yeah, the party don't stop when she walks in. This is. Well, okay, so, like, because Alesh Norn canonically has kind of like an on again, off again. None of this is canonical. But, like, if you ask anyone, it's canonical. Like on again, off again girlfriend. Like in a sort of, like, toxic Yuri situation with this angel lady named Elspeth. Yeah, I remember you. [00:39:28] Speaker B: I think I remember you. [00:39:29] Speaker A: I definitely told you about Elspeth. There's no way I didn't. Because, like, I mean, like, look at her. Look at her. She's so. She's so Elspeth. [00:39:39] Speaker B: Like. [00:39:40] Speaker A: Like, this is. This is who Ella Shorn wants to spit the toxic oil into her mouth. [00:39:45] Speaker B: Yes. No. So literally sky blue. So lit. Oh, my God, you're killing me here, Bugs. So Shelly is Bloomington, Minnesota's. Own Julia Hart, who was once a cheerleader and then got toxic blue or toxic black like sludge in her face from this awful, awful, toxic, terrible goth dude who got fired because he sucks. But long story short, it changed her. So what we have here in the whole to get back to where this started, the viral heel. So Muda Mist, house of black people. [00:40:24] Speaker A: Phyrexian oil. Yes. [00:40:27] Speaker B: Goth girls spitting in each other's mouths. What you have here is Julia Hart saw this wonderful, wonderful sky blue, who is just literally looks like this, like, like this character looks like an angelic sky blue type character back when she was, you know, sky blue. And then she's like, you're hot. And just spat the in her, in her mouth. And again, when I woke up two weeks later, it turns out that she, she'd gone, she'd gone goth heel. And now they're the sisters of sin. And I, I love love. [00:41:05] Speaker A: No. And I think that's such a fun way to. That, that's such a good storyline. That's such a fun way of like evolving a character. Especially if one or more parties feels like there's like some stagnation. It's like, well, what if we make them their evil, mustaching, mustache twirling twin brother? Like, Yep. Gender neutral, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. [00:41:27] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it worked. It worked for Julia and in my opinion, it worked for sky because sky was kind of like stagnating, but now, like, she gets to be part of like a team and she's part of the triangle of madness and she's got, you know, her super hot goth girlfriend that spits in her mouth. And I'm just gonna keep saying it because I've lowered my spiro dosage and it's spring and I'm in a mood. [00:41:54] Speaker A: Hold on. There's, there's an art that looks, I think it's. Is it. Give me two seconds because there is a card art that is Goth lady spits in your mouth. [00:42:03] Speaker B: Oh, God. No, I don't actually need this, but [00:42:05] Speaker A: okay, no, no, hold on. Give me, give me two seconds. I, I, I, I know kung fu. Yes, you do. [00:42:14] Speaker B: But I think, I think while, while we are we, we should start maybe heading towards the door as you bring me. I love the idea of ending this, this initial podcast on discussing goth girls spinning in each other's mouth and how that is. Oh, you got it. It feels like the most you and I thing, like basically ever. So yay. [00:42:40] Speaker A: Because I think it's. This would have Been in scars block. Was this in. Was this a new Forex? Like, I can just. It's so shockingly horny. Like, hold on. There we go. There we go. This is. This is what I was looking for. This is. It's not quite spitting in mouths, but. [00:43:06] Speaker B: Oh, go for the throat, yo. Hi. Destroy Target rfa. Having flesh is increasingly a liability. Wow. So this is hot. And also wrestling. [00:43:24] Speaker A: This is wrestling. That's crap. You said that hot goth lady spits in your mouth. That's the card. Go for the throat from Mirrodin Besieged. Oh, thank you, David Raposa. [00:43:38] Speaker B: Yes. Thank you so much, sir. The. Holy fuck. So that's. I can't think of anywhere better way to end the inaugural show than that, folks. Go look up this card and thank me later. [00:43:54] Speaker A: I promise on our next ones, it won't be so Bugs. Just shows and tells. But look, if I think of a magic card that reminds me of something, I'll bring it up. [00:44:03] Speaker B: See? Well, that's a. We all have our skill set, and I think that's fine and good and right. You are. You. You know, we'll go a little bit of housekeeping here as we. As we wrap up to kind of talk about this season on Everything is Wrestling. So, yeah, this is kind of where, like, if you can tell, there was zero format to this other than us talking about the, like, stuff that's also wrestling. This special interest is also wrestling. So, like, this, I. Some of them might be more serious, some of them might be more silly. [00:44:39] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:44:39] Speaker B: Like, guarantee. [00:44:42] Speaker A: Some of them will have research. Some of them won't. Hopefully you won't be able to tell which is which. [00:44:48] Speaker B: Yes. And that is part of the fun for me and for Bugs, I'm guessing, because we're both a little bit trickster heels in that sense, entertainment wise. I love being a little trickster and freaking people out with entertainment that they didn't know they wanted. But, yeah, everything is wrestling. I hope you enjoy this. We should be around for. We planned a year, which is, again, nuts. We will be releasing every other week because we're not that crazy. Yeah, we have lots of stuff lined up. There will be. There will be guests. It won't just be me and Bugs next week. We have a guest already and we are getting in a time machine, folks, and we're gonna go way, way back and discuss how certain things in history are, in fact, wrestling. [00:45:37] Speaker A: Yeah. So many things are wrestling. I. Did you know that filling your taxes is wrestling? [00:45:43] Speaker B: Oh, I don't want to think about it, but yeah, yeah, it is. It is, isn't it? Write that one down. Put it. Put it on the spreadsheet. [00:45:50] Speaker A: Write it down. [00:45:52] Speaker B: Season two opener. Awesome. Thank you, Bugs. Thank you. Hopefully, listeners. And we have no sign off. Catchphrase live. [00:46:03] Speaker A: That's love. [00:46:06] Speaker B: Real grass.